I was listening to Desert Island Discs last Sunday morning and caught Professor Angie Hobbs talking to Kirsty Young. Professor Hobbs is Professor of the Public Understanding of Philosophy, a more wordy title must be hard to find, and she spoke a lot of sense.
Regular readers of my blog will know that I suggest that love is the key. I was pleased to hear Angie Hobbs state the same. She added that people have to learn to let their defences down in order to let people in. Again I have suggested that it is only through being vulnerable that intimacy follows.
I was told love was the answer many many years ago. The thing is however, that some people are just too damaged to believe that they are loveable and no matter how much love they receive they cannot change this view of themselves; because in their heart they believe they are unhelpable, unreachable and unlovable. They may not even be able to voice this for it may be just too deeply buried in their unconscious.
These are the people who may attempt suicide, threaten suicide, or go on to commit suicide. They are often angry and hostile, or cold and withdrawn and difficult to reach but behind this façade is fear. And it is getting through this fear that would allow access to their vulnerability and if this can be breached then there is a chance that they can be pulled back, if they want to.
I was saddened listening to a mother talk about her daughter on another radio programme a week or so ago. The daughter had been in an institution for several years due to her disruptive behaviour. This last year she had begun to live within a house in the care in the community scheme and her disruptive behaviour had all but disappeared. The producer suggested the mother must be proud of her daughter. The mother stated that she was proud of the fact that her daughter had now got her act together.
A more damning statement could not have been said. How sad. What a loss both for her daughter and for the mother herself.
The daughter said to her mother at the end of the interview, “I love you”.
The mother did not respond.
I was reminded of a line which came into my head
“ A word that is said too much and not enough”.
Apologies for lack of blog last week, life taking over! There will also be a break now of 3 / 4 weeks but normality will resume from beginning of March.