Most of us will have seen or heard the comments that David Milliband made about his brother Ed after the election. As I mentioned before I am not particularly a political animal but I was appalled and saddened by David Milliband’s comments. You may like Ed Milliband or loathe him but was it really necessary to knock someone quite so hard when they are already down?
In my effort to understand why someone would stoop quite so low, it is clear to us all that sibling rivalry runs deep in this family. Whilst I have written about sibling rivalry before I thought it worth re visiting.
There probably isn’t a family alive who at some level has not experienced a degree of envy of an older or younger sibling. The comment ‘It is not fair’ belongs to this era.
For some siblings it hardly shows and they cling together because they have had little parental care, and find and need the comfort from each other. But for those that have had good enough parenting, ironically sibling rivalry may often run deep. And we will find that there are many families who now no longer speak to one sibling or more and this will in my opinion go directly back to something that happened in their childhood which meant that the child felt that they lost some of their parents love and attention through it being given in a more overt way to their sibling (rival).
What I thought might make interesting reading on this subject was to do with a pair of sisters from many moons ago. One sister was 12 months older than her younger sister and ostensibly the sisters got on very well. 12months is quite close together and what it means in reality is that the older sister is effectively ‘replaced ‘by her younger sibling when they were born. It doesn’t mean the older child is loved any less but they will feel that they are as the attention (love) gets diverted from them and onto the other child. They become envious of the attention their new sibling is getting. Unconsciously this builds up resentment which may or may not show itself.
Anyway the point of my story is that the older girl could never be without a boyfriend when she became older. In fact even before she ended one relationship she had already lined up and started a new relationship. There are a myriad of reasons as to why this should be, but it is possible that in feeling she had lost the love and attention of her mother when her sibling came along she now made sure that she was never going to let that happen again. This of course is completely unconscious. And so by lining up someone new, it then meant that when the adoration of the existing relationship had worn thin, the new relationship and consequent adoration could continue. She was in charge and in control and should the lack of adoration in her older relationship mean an ending was on the horizon this young girl was in charge of creating more adoration and thus never being replaced.
This may sound strange but in fact it is highly likely as the young person was now never without the love that she may have felt she had originally lost, nor was she ever replaced as she always did the replacing.
Sibling rivalry, – interesting isn’t it?