Most of us have felt the pain of a doomed love affair, or worse the death of a partner, or even a child leaving home. I have had many patients sob in my room for all sorts of reasons but the thing I always tell them is that  whilst I can see how painful it is for them right now, could they imagine how much worse it would be if they were to feel nothing? Feeling the pain of loss is the price we pay for loving. For the many patients that have sobbed in my room I have had as many who sadly have not been able to feel anything at all. Ironically they too are paying the price but it may be to do with the trauma of love that has been withheld; they protect themselves against the pain of feeling too much by feeling nothing and shutting down. So whilst the pain of loving and losing a loved one feels as great as if our heart were bursting, it is better, Р far better to feel that pain than to feel nothing at all. It means the life that has gone or the child that has left has meant something, which is so much better than indifference. And whilst I can see how painful it is for them right now, could they imagine how much worse it would be if they were to feel nothing? Feeling the pain of loss is the price we pay for loving.

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